nice guys aren't finished yet...

A quiet desperation has taken hold of me lately. A questioning disposition sits perched on my shoulder. Why? WHY? Tonight is going to be hard on my dad, I already know. I have to go to work soon, and he will be home around 5:30, only to be greeted by an empty house, well except for the dog. Change is one of those things that's constantly bombarding me, but that I never seem to get used to. Will my dad and I, belonging to the group of men commonly referred to as “nice guys,” really finish last? Are we destined to be used by women because we don't feel the need to abuse them? Because relatively we could be seen as predictable? Because deep down we have so much genuine love to give? We have trouble expressing it in words, but we are good at doing our best to show it. She came from the lowest rung, and my father saved her from that. He gave her all she could ever want, and most importantly, he gave himself to her. And what does he get in return? He gets deceived and manipulated. He wakes up one night to find half the cash in his safe gone, along with a gun, and his wife. Why should I believe in romantic love? I've never seen it work in the long term. I've seen the aftermath of my parents divorce, and now my dad's getting ready to go through it again. It's all fluffy kisses and butterflies at first. Then one day you wake up and you don't feel like getting out of bed, because the person you thought loved you, who would accompany you into old age and the darkness beyond, left you behind like so much hot garbage. “The afternoons are the hardest,” he keeps telling me. And I know what he means. The approaching darkness, the long shadows, indicative of that unknown night that comes to take us all away. It's what makes us want someone to love, someone to hold our hand and walk with us into that darkness. I know my dad will be okay eventually, just like I was, well maybe okay's not the right word, but I know he will survive like I did. And it will make him stronger. I just hope he finds someone who genuinely loves him, flaws and all, and who can appreciate him, and give him what he needs. Until then, I will be here, offering the best I have. I will strive to keep us both afloat. I want to give up, stop looking for love, because it seems like a fools errand, a sure way to heartache, and a sea of trouble, but I can't bring myself to do it, and I can't let him.


  1. I what you mean. I, as well belong to this group of "nice guys" and my parents ended in a divorce, except the opposite for me. My dad was one of those guys who don't finish last. All I've seen in 'love' is abuse, a constant power struggle and those who fail end up bruised emotionally and psychologically. Left with nothing but the emptiness of a failed relationship to hold at night. Alas, its all we can do to hope that there is that elusive person that will be 'right' for us, love us for our flaws as much as for our 'perfections', they've got to be out there its just a matter of catching the 'plenty fish' that out there in that sea.

    PS: I've only been following you for a couple of weeks but I love your stuff man.

  2. "Abuse, a constant power struggle and those who fail end up bruised emotionally and psychologically..." These things are not love. Define it. What is love to you? Define it clearly, with ink on paper. The definition will change. Re-write it. And the next time somebody comes at you with some version of some shit they call "love" that sounds like a load of crap to you. Save yourself the trouble. Say, “No thanks. We want different things.” And walk away.

    Also, have you read The Mastery of Love (Don Miguel Ruiz)? I know—sorry, always the queen of self-help here. But it’s great! Really.

    Wish you much love (the lovely kind!),

  3. It has to exist. Real love has to exist. A relationship that just 'feels' good, where there's trust and honesty. It's like air, lol: we can't see it, but it's there. Like most of the time in life, you make mistakes and finally get ir right..it has to be the same thing for love. A few relationships that don't work, but always the hope that the right one's not too far away. And about finding the right person..my aunt just found her right person at the age of 46, so I'm not losing hope and I hope that neither will you.

    PS: I'm really sorry about your father, who's having a tough time. It's incredibly nice to be there for him when he needs it like that. You care for him a lot.

  4. I don't think you should believe in romantic love. I don't. Doesn't mean I don't like people, but I don't elevate that like or relationship into something magically unattainable. The semantics can have a big impact on your perception. If you stick to liking, trusting, respecting, relying up, wanting to look out for...states that are more reducible to example and reality, I think you'll have an easier time.

    I've also written a post on not believing in love, if you cared to delve into my thoughts further.


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